![]() ![]() Set limits calmly and early, expect impulsivity.Focus on helping our children when they can’t help themselves.With this crucial shift in perspective as a starting off point, and a clear understanding of our role, we successfully handle challenging behavior by following these steps: ![]() This can only happen when we’re tuned in, not turning them away in anger or judgment. Self-control has left the building, and they need to be able to depend on ours as back-up. Defiance, aggression and other limit pushing behavior are our children’s way of letting us know their impulses have taken hold. In truth, timeout is the exact opposite of what our children need when their behavior hits the skids. So, in effect, we’re expecting them to reason out the unreasonable while dealing with equal doses of shame and guilt, then miraculously come to their senses and henceforth conduct themselves with a more mature level of self-control. The truth is that they’re usually acting on impulses that don’t make sense to them either. The problem with this logic is that it assumes children are thinking reasonably when they are breaking the rules. Timeout closes the door on communication in the misguided hope that children will think about their behavior and, shamed, resolve to do better in the future. Worse, it actually prevents us from seeing the real problem, because when kids feel judged and rejected, they tend to clam up (as we all do). Timeout is a temporary, artificial, and inadequate solution to a real problem. ![]()
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